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POLL RESULTS: A little something extra...: (12 comments)

POLL: A little something extra...

Friday, February 15, 2013 - 12:00 AM

If you'd like to read some of the best Courting Disaster cartoons from the past couple of years on your iPad, Kindle, Nook or other digital tablet device thing, click the link to the right. It's the fourth collection of Courting Disaster cartoons and it's available right now!

Now, on with this week's question.

A reader writes... Q.: I am a lesbian, but a few nights ago I picked up this girl and she had a... male part. I enjoyed playing with it but I'm not attracted to men, am I gay or not?
POLL: Is she gay or not?
 
8% (157) Of course she is.
 
4% (75) Nah, she's not.
 
86% (1552) Who cares?! The important question to ask is "Am I happy?"
1784 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)
DoubleStar
Lover

Posts: 36

Registered:
Mar 2010
Re: POLL: A little something extra... (Score: 0)
posted Friday, February 15, 2013 - 09:58 AM (#62766)

There's barely enough detail to even make a guess here, let alone suggest a reliable direction - but the best answer even with tons of detail would still be to do what makes you happy.

That said, you might ask yourself what exactly you enjoyed about the other person's male part. Did you enjoy looking at it? Touching it? Watching ne's reaction? Having it in you? If all of them, you might consider reexamining why you're not attracted to men - is it emotional or rational? Unlike most men, sexuality for most women is as much or more about emotion as it is about physical attraction, making the question of homosexuality more vague. You may also have experienced past traumatic events that helped decide your stated preferences, such as rape; if so, hopefully you've gone through therapy for it or at least done a thorough self-examination of the events and yourself, otherwise those events may negatively impact your perception of self.

You might also want to examine how long you've felt the way you do about sex. For many, signs of homosexuality happen early in life; for instance, boys may choose to play with dolls and play house instead of more traditional boyish pursuits, while women may be attracted to more adrenaline based pastimes. Or you may simply feel like a stranger in your own body.

In the end, you're the only one who can decide what you enjoy sexually, much like your most recent partner who decided for nesself that transgender is the best for nerm at this time. Don't let those questions stress you - just be happy with what you choose.


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Garwulf
Lover

From: In my chair

Posts: 33

Registered:
Jun 2010
Re: POLL: A little something extra... (Score: 0)
posted Friday, February 15, 2013 - 10:03 AM (#62767)

Well, sexuality is a sliding scale. On one side is heterosexuality, and on the other is homosexuality. Most people fall somewhere in between - those who are entirely one or the other are quite rare.

So, it could be that you're most of the way towards homosexuality, with just a nudge towards heterosexuality. You're still you, though - discovering that you're 99% or 98% homosexual instead of 100% doesn't change that fundamental fact.


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eoraptor
Lover

Posts: 37

Registered:
Apr 2011
Re: POLL: A little something extra... (Score: 0)
posted Friday, February 15, 2013 - 11:36 AM (#62768)
In Response to Garwulf (#62767):

Human sexuality is not black and white; and in fact, it's not even #000000, #ffffff, and #0a0a0a.

if it feels good, and it isn't causing you or the other party any massive psychological trauma... just do it.


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tomxp411
Lover

Posts: 2

Registered:
Mar 2012
Re: POLL: A little something extra... (Score: 0)
posted Friday, February 15, 2013 - 12:26 PM (#62769)

The question is "Are you still gay?" Of course you are.

What you've just discovered is a very common scenario: an attraction to either crossdressers or trans women.

This isn't a case of being bisexual or "mostly gay." This is just an instance of you discovering that every person is unique, and that perhaps your horizons are a little broader than you previously realized.


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WilmRoget
Lover

Posts: 2

Registered:
Feb 2013
Re: POLL: A little something extra... (Score: 0)
posted Friday, February 15, 2013 - 02:32 PM (#62770)
In Response to DoubleStar (#62766):

" You may also have experienced past traumatic events that helped decide your stated preferences,"

Nonsense. That is a false premise promoted by homophobes, and does not match the experiences of GLBTQ people.

" For many, signs of homosexuality happen early in life; for instance, boys may choose to play with dolls and play house instead of more traditional boyish pursuits, "

Again, such behaviors do not actually correlate with homosexuality.


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Bruceski
Lover

Posts: 6

Registered:
May 2011
Re: POLL: A little something extra... (Score: 0)
posted Friday, February 15, 2013 - 04:19 PM (#62771)

Welcome to the world of people who, like sexualities, aren't nice enough to fit in those tidy little boxes we set up. Personally I'm straight but would similarly not be put off by such a situation. You're whatever you want to call yourself.

Take a moment to get inside your own head and decide if that's something you'd like to seek out or if it's just not a deal-breaker should it *ahem* arise in the future, but that's for your own knowledge rather than assigning a label.


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Aces_Away
Lover

Posts: 4

Registered:
Feb 2013
Re: POLL: A little something extra... (Score: 0)
posted Friday, February 15, 2013 - 09:22 PM (#62774)

My perspective may be a little different, being asexual, but I honestly don't see what playing with a body part has to do with sexuality, even playing in a sexual fashion. I'd probably do the same - I'm curious about 'male parts', and I happen to think boobs are awesome, being in possession of my own set. I don't think either invalidates my 'asexual' identity, they're just body parts. The main thing is that I have no interest in having sex with anyone - that's what makes me asexual. If you have no interest in having sex with men, well, that's an answer to that, I would think.

Women with male parts are still women - when you were initially attracted to her, you probably assumed female parts, the lack thereof doesn't invalidate the initial 'attraction to female' you felt. If you start finding yourself attracted to men based on outward appearances, maybe then it's time to question what you're looking for, but even then, I don't think sexuality is ever 100% anything.

If you're only attracted to women, but also interested in sex that involves the 'male part', you might be some combination like homoromantic heterosexual, or homoromantic bisexual. The 'romantic' designation refers to the gender you prefer relationships with, and the sexual is the gender you'd prefer in the bedroom, so to speak. It's most common for the romantic and sexual desires to be compatible, but not unheard of for them to go different ways. Or it may be purely physical, in which case, you might want to try toys that approximate the male part. Difficult to say without knowing more.

In the end, only you can decide what you feel, and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise - you only need to see the massive number of votes for 'are you happy?' to see that. Do what makes you happy, call yourself whatever you like, judge for yourself whether you fit the label, or even want to be labelled. But if you need the validation, then sure, I'd consider you a lesbian.


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CaptainSmokeblower
Lover

Posts: 58

Registered:
Nov 2009
Re: POLL: A little something extra... (Score: 0)
posted Saturday, February 16, 2013 - 11:57 AM (#62776)

There are two problems.
The first is expecting yourself to fit a label and the second is not having a complete understanding of the label.
Here are my proposed definitions and these are controversial.
If you are a woman and you love women you're a lesbian.
If you're a woman and you hate men, you're a misandrist, i.e. practicing misandry, not a lesbian.
If you love both men and women you are bisexual.
if you love men, women, and people with mixed gender characteristics, you are a pansexual.
If you're a woman and you love men you are heterosexual.
I admit I've omitted other variations.
And before anyone yells too loudly, parallel labels exist for males.
We're not all, "One man, one woman," "One man, one man," or "One woman, one woman," or any other strict label so do not depend on labels. (Yeah, I know I just provided more labels.) Get on with your life.


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RickRussellTX
Lover

Posts: 2

Registered:
Sep 2009
Re: POLL: A little something extra... (Score: 0)
posted Saturday, February 16, 2013 - 06:06 PM (#62777)
In Response to WilmRoget (#62770):

> such behaviors do not actually correlate with homosexuality.

Well, they certainly *correlate*; engaging in non-conformist gender behaviors as a young child is the single best predictor of adult homosexuality (e.g. http://dbem.ws/Biological%20Correlates.pdf : "the link between childhood gender nonconformity and sexual orientation ... has been confirmed in over 50 studies"). It's also been confirmed in separated twin studies.


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vorlonagent
Lover

Posts: 55

Registered:
Oct 2009
Re: POLL: A little something extra... (Score: 0)
posted Sunday, February 17, 2013 - 01:27 PM (#62778)

The only thing I can really add here--but it's important and worth restating--is that you decide if you're straight, gay, or what. We can tell you what we think but it's really your call.

It's your privilege to discover what you like and decide how you act on it. It's your privilege to decide what labels you stick onto yourself and un-stick them if they don't fit anymore. It's not you that has to fit the label.

Be comfortable questioning who you are. Be comfortable looking for your own answers.


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firelock
Lover

Posts: 2

Registered:
Apr 2010
Re: POLL: A little something extra... (Score: 0)
posted Monday, February 18, 2013 - 09:52 AM (#62782)
In Response to DoubleStar (#62766):

DoubleStar wrote:
> For many, signs of homosexuality happen early in life; for instance, boys may choose to play with dolls and play house instead of more traditional boyish pursuits, while women may be attracted to more adrenaline based pastimes. Or you may simply feel like a stranger in your own body.

You're talking about gender roles and transexuality. Those are separate issues from sexual attraction - one's femininity or masculinity doesn't directly relate to how much one is sexually attracted to men, women, both or neither.


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chrysalis
Lover

Posts: 2

Registered:
Mar 2012
Re: POLL: A little something extra... (Score: 0)
posted Tuesday, February 19, 2013 - 01:21 PM (#62784)

As a girl with an "extra part", from my own perspective. Sexuality is not fixed, as has been mentioned previously, heterosexuality and homosexuality are the extremes of the spectrum, and they do change with a person.

I started out being sexually attracted to women, but now I am sexually attracted to guys.

Even with attraction, it's to a type of personality which can go beyond gender. Curiosity is a powerful force in re-defining ourselves.

We then also have external definers. The culture (lifestyle) which we select, asks of us.

I could be considered gay from an external perspective, but I do not see my own sexuality as as my gender as an external process, but an internal one.

I know people who see sexuality as defined by those around them, whether straight or other.

I see the original question as: what do you think my sexuality is, based on a (chance) encounter?

In which case I would say, not to sound harsh but to keep it short, lesbo-normative, with some sexual curiosity.


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