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POLL RESULTS: It Had To Be You: (9 comments)

POLL: It Had To Be You

Friday, April 05, 2013 - 12:00 AM

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A reader writes...

So the other night me and my best friend were celebrating my promotion at a bar. We ended up celebrating a bit too much, and we wound up in bed together.

My problem is this: She's a lesbian, and when I asked her how she was dealing with the fact she slept with a guy, she responded, "as long as it was you, I'm fine."

Is she interested in me?
POLL: Is she interested in me?
 
13% (212) She is. Give her some time to process this, and you might have a new girlfriend.
 
47% (747) Love? No. But you might be in for a booty call every now and then.
 
21% (340) No. She was drunk and made a mistake. Don't push it.
 
13% (206) Maybe she's bisexual. This relationship has serious threesome potential!
 
4% (70) Who cares?! Ask her if she has any lesbian friends who feel the same way!
1575 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)
billybubba
Lover

Posts: 1

Registered:
Apr 2013
Re: POLL: It Had To Be You (Score: 0)
posted Friday, April 05, 2013 - 12:08 AM (#62883)

If she's your best friend, just bloody ask her. That will save a lot of trouble and confusion.


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broklynite
Lover

Posts: 4

Registered:
Jan 2013
Re: POLL: It Had To Be You (Score: 0)
posted Friday, April 05, 2013 - 12:23 AM (#62884)
In Response to billybubba (#62883):

Agreed 100%. Clearly you're friends. Clearly you need to talk it over, as mature adults, and without going crazy. She may very well have meant that while she is generally a lesbian, she finds you to be the exception to the rule. The brain is the most erotically charged part of the body, etc. etc. etc.


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abb3w
Lover

Posts: 46

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: POLL: It Had To Be You (Score: 0)
posted Friday, April 05, 2013 - 01:33 AM (#62885)

None of the answers really seem spot-on.

It may be that she figures it was a one time bit of experimenting when drunk, and figures you're a nice enough guy to accept the one-time nature and not retroactively turn the decision into a mistake by making her life difficult or hazarding her reputation. It may be that you're part of Control Group B [xkcd.com]. It may be that she's a LUG now past graduation. It may be that you're good enough with your hands and tongue to have a lesbian consider making exceptions.

...probably not the last. Sorry.

You won't know what's going on in her head without asking. (And if she's conflicted, that won't give a conclusive answer.) It's not impossible she's contemplating how experimentation includes a repeatability component, but don't get your hopes too high. A one-time thing seems most likely.

But if she turns you down, don't forget to ask about when you try to pick up other girls, whether you're allowed to claim to be talented enough to make lesbians reconsider.


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DavidArgall
Lover

Posts: 42

Registered:
Nov 2010
Re: POLL: It Had To Be You (Score: 0)
posted Friday, April 05, 2013 - 03:01 AM (#62886)
In Response to abb3w (#62885):

One theory has it that all women are bi-sexual [and no men are]. So it is possible she may be marrying you some day.
So consider her an available female, tho likely one that will not be an easy catch.


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Kaibutsu
Lover

Posts: 3

Registered:
Apr 2011
Re: POLL: It Had To Be You (Score: 0)
posted Friday, April 05, 2013 - 07:54 AM (#62887)

I've been in this situation before and the next day when I asked my friend how she felt about what happened, she simply smiled and said "You're sexy and I like you. Besides, there's an exception to every rule!" It actually made our friendship stronger.

Honestly, I'd just ask her outright to see how she felt about it. If she says she does want more occasionally, tell her she doesn't have to get you drunk first. :)


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Aces_Away
Lover

Posts: 4

Registered:
Feb 2013
Re: POLL: It Had To Be You (Score: 0)
posted Friday, April 05, 2013 - 08:23 AM (#62888)

Have you considered the fact that you know she's a lesbian, and you two are friends - you're 'safe', she likely doesn't expect it to become a thing, because she doesn't swing that way, and she knows you. (Or thinks she does?)

I'm asexual, but I'm no virgin. (I fed myself 'you won't know until you try' until I almost bought it.) I honestly did not give the sexual portion of the relationship another thought once I was out of the bed. (Said 'relationship' did not last long. I wasn't even surprised at the time, or upset. Relieved, more like.) Your friend may have a similar 'sexual blind spot' for men: it was a thing that happened, it wasn't bad, but that may be the extent of it.

Just, look, don't buy into 'she slept with me, therefore she is bi', if anyone tries to convince you of that. Sex and sexual attraction are two separate things. If she says she's a lesbian, she's a lesbian. Inserting Tab A into Slot B doesn't prove anything. (For one, strap-ons exist.)


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CaptainSmokeblower
Lover

Posts: 58

Registered:
Nov 2009
Re: POLL: It Had To Be You (Score: 0)
posted Friday, April 05, 2013 - 11:09 AM (#62890)

From your wording, or maybe the picture, I took you're concerned she doesn't consider you manly enough to be dangerous. If that's not the case you can ignore this. I would consider it an honor to be trusted as you were. Yes, the two of you were drunk, but she didn't regret the experience the morning after. So congratulations at being a good human being, now continue being a good friend. Don't expect her to jump your boners and don't reject her friendship if she doesn't.


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Dynamitochondria
Lover

Posts: 1

Registered:
Apr 2013
Re: POLL: It Had To Be You (Score: 0)
posted Tuesday, April 09, 2013 - 10:19 PM (#62900)

"Interested" is a terribly loaded word. I think she's comfortable around you and that she feels close enough to you at some level that she has few if any regrets about sharing intimacy and pleasure with you.

Also, as much as we try to put labels on things, people's sexuality just won't fit neatly into our nice little named and numbered boxes. Calling any one person lesbian or bisexual or straight does them no justice.

The upshot of these two observations? Just keep on doing what you're doing, being a good friend. If something emerges out of it, SERENDIPITY! If not, you have a good friend with whom you have pleasant memories of a shared night. Win-win.


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lockmedic
Lover

Posts: 4

Registered:
Aug 2008
Re: POLL: It Had To Be You (Score: 0)
posted Wednesday, April 10, 2013 - 08:51 AM (#62901)

Watch Kevin Smith's "Chasing Amy". Just don't imitate the actions of Holden (Ben Affleck).

Being in love with and sexually attracted to a person are not mutually inclusive. Sounds like you're at least one for two, though.


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