forums

welcome! please login or register.

 

 

 

POLL RESULTS: "I don't like him like that": (7 comments)

POLL: "I don't like him like that"

Friday, April 12, 2013 - 10:22 AM


A reader writes...

Okay so I'm friends with my best friend's boyfriend. I like him as a friend because we have a lot in common. They broke up a week ago. We've been texting, and he asked me out. I don't like him like that, and now he's constantly texting me and freaks out if I don't text him back, every five minutes! He's driving me crazy, and I don't know what to say to him to get him to leave me alone. I want him as my friend but I don't know how to let him down and tell him he's freaking me out. What should I do? How do I get him to stop bothering me 24/7?
POLL: How should she tell him?
 
85% (1165) Tell him to his face, and in direct terms. Otherwise, he's just gonna hear what he wants to hear.
 
2% (30) He'll get the hint sooner or later. Just respond to the texts you want to respond to and ignore the rest.
 
7% (98) Freeze him out completely. No contact. No replies.
 
2% (39) Maybe you ought think about giving him a chance
 
2% (30) Change your phone number. And maybe your address.
1362 people have voted in this poll. (This poll is not active.)
digitrev
Lover

Posts: 2

Registered:
Jul 2010
Re: "I don't like him like that" (Score: 0)
posted Friday, April 12, 2013 - 11:20 AM (#62910)

 First off, tell him directly that you're not interested in dating him. Don't give him any hope that the two of you being a couple has any chance.

 Second off, set up some boundaries. Only reply to his texts on your time. Choose a certain frequency your comfortable with (once a day, once an hour, what have you), and stick to it. Ignore his texts until you've decided you're willing to reply. If he asks why you don't reply as often, just tell him that you're cutting back on texting.


Locked profile
Guairdean
Lover

Posts: 20

Registered:
Mar 2008
Re: "I don't like him like that" (Score: 0)
posted Friday, April 12, 2013 - 11:33 AM (#62911)

Sounds like you're finding out why they broke up. Let him know you don't appreciate what he's doing and that the friendship is over. He's becoming a stalker and that can be dangerous.


Locked profile
Garwulf
Lover

From: In my chair

Posts: 33

Registered:
Jun 2010
Re: "I don't like him like that" (Score: 0)
posted Friday, April 12, 2013 - 04:14 PM (#62913)

As others have said, be up-front and honest with him. Do NOT try to soften the blow - I am not talking about trying to hurt him more, but do not lead him on in any way.

It seems to me that what you have here is somebody who has just lost a big part of his life, and he's trying to find a way to replace it. So, as he gets further into his rebound, assuming that he's not an obsessive personality, he should even out. Think of it as an airplane with the autopilot suddenly cutting out during turbulence. It takes a moment for the pilot to stabilize, but the plane does stabilize.

But, as I said, and will repeat - do NOT try to avoid hurting him when you turn him down. Be blunt and to the point. Let him know that you are still his friend, but tell him how you feel, and how his actions are making you feel, and then trust him to do the right thing. If he's worth your time, he will prove worthy of your trust. If he doesn't, then you may need to take more drastic steps.


Locked profile
zmortis
Lover

Posts: 76

Registered:
Jun 2009
Re: "I don't like him like that" (Score: 0)
posted Friday, April 12, 2013 - 04:30 PM (#62914)

I've got two words to explain what may become your necessary action in this case: protection order.

Warn him this is the direction he is headed if he doesn't settle his ass down right now.


Locked profile
Garwulf
Lover

From: In my chair

Posts: 33

Registered:
Jun 2010
Re: "I don't like him like that" (Score: 0)
posted Friday, April 12, 2013 - 04:47 PM (#62915)
In Response to zmortis (#62914):

Well, that's a bit much. The guy is probably lost and trying to re-find his feet - going straight past just telling him how you feel directly to warning of legal action will not make it better - and it will destroy the friendship beyond repair.


Locked profile
DavidArgall
Lover

Posts: 42

Registered:
Nov 2010
Re: "I don't like him like that" (Score: 0)
posted Saturday, April 13, 2013 - 01:40 AM (#62916)
In Response to Guairdean (#62911):

A million women are stalked every year, and only a thousand are killed, mostly by abusive partners, rapists, muggers, other girls that think you are after their man... and one or two stalkers, who get headlines because they are rare. He is annoying, not a danger.
Of course, there is no reason to put up with the annoyance either, so the advice to sit him down and explain you only want to be friends, presumably without benefits, sounds good. Maybe introduce him to some of your female friends.


Locked profile
Murgatroyd
Lover

Posts: 300

Registered:
Jan 2008
Re: "I don't like him like that" (Score: 0)
posted Tuesday, April 16, 2013 - 03:58 AM (#62924)

I'm in the "Tell him!" group, but I have two questions:

* WHY did your best friend break up with him?

* If you maintain any sort of relationship with him -- lover or friend -- will it affect your relationship with your best friend?


Locked profile
Threshold:  Locked
The Fine Print: The above comments are owned by whoever posted them. We are not responsible for them in any way.
Hell, let's face it, we're not responsible for anything; including the things we say, do, or think. And if you sue us because you think we are? Well, we're not responsible for that either.

 





(C) 2005 Brad J. Guigar. All rights reserved. Use of content or images without the consent of the author is prohibited.

200 OK

OK

The server encountered an internal error or misconfiguration and was unable to complete your request.

Please contact the server administrator, error-s2_perl@dumbrellahosting.com and inform them of the time the error occurred, and anything you might have done that may have caused the error.

More information about this error may be available in the server error log.


Apache/2.2.16 (Unix) mod_apreq2-20090110/2.8.0 mod_perl/2.0.7 Perl/v5.8.4 Server at 127.0.0.100 Port 8181